Quick Reference: Text Message Approaches for Co-Parents (BIFF)

(Use only when a response is genuinely necessary)

These templates are for situations where you do need to reply, such as child logistics, required information sharing, or court-ordered communication.

They are not for managing abuse, provocation, or emotional messages. In those situations, not responding is often the safer boundary.

BIFF replies are designed to be brief, factual, neutral, and finished. If a message feels “too short”, it is often doing its job.

These are just idea and should not be used in any situation where you feel at risk, from your ex. In this situation, seek legal support as soon as possible.

General boundaries

“I have shared the information needed.”

“I won’t be discussing this further.”

“I will respond to child-related matters only.”

Scheduling and handovers

“Pick-up is at 4pm at the usual place.”

“Drop-off will be Sunday at 6pm.”

“The arrangement remains as agreed.”

When messages include accusations or blame

“I am responding only to practical matters.”

“Please keep messages focused on the children.”

“I will reply when there is a clear question.”

When explanations are demanded

“This is the decision.”

“That is what works for us.”

“No further detail to add.”

When the past is brought up

“I am not discussing past events.”

“That is not something I am engaging with.”

When urgency is used to pressure you

“I will respond when I am able.”

“I will get back to you later today.”

School and activities

“The letter is in the school bag.”

“Practice is cancelled this week.”

“Parents’ evening is Thursday at 5pm.”

Health-related information

“Medication was given at 8am.”

“There are no concerns to report.”

“I will update you if anything changes.”

Ending a conversation

“That is everything from me.”

“I have nothing further to add.”

“This conversation is now closed.”

A quiet reminder

You do not need to explain your boundaries for them to be valid.

These templates are not about being cold or unkind. They are about protecting your energy and keeping communication contained.

Respond less. Say less. Keep yourself steadier.